They said, what?

aspiegirl85

I was in a room of student teachers the other day after work. They were talking about a student who cries everyday. She said she didn’t know what was wrong with him. “He must have a touch of Aspergers,” she said. And everyone in the room burst out laughing. I sat there feeling angry and ashamed that I didn’t say anything. I wanted to tell them that they had hurt my feelings, but I couldn’t speak up. Now, I just imagine what I could have said to shock them into shutting up. Am I a joke?



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Where do I begin…

I love talking, about anything. I’m interested in anything anyone has to say. if you can hold a good conversation with me I’ll be your friend forever! I honestly try and reach out (not on this site, I don’t know, should probably try it out) and talk to people from all over the world. I just want someone I can trust, someone I can lean on and know that they will support me. Someone I don’t have to feel ashamed of telling anything to. I feel like having someone there for me emotionally is more important than physically.

Why is it so hard to be truthful?

I cant remember when I just started to think differently, but I can tell you since I have tried to be more truthful to MYSELF, I have felt so much more at ease. Thinking through my feelings and thoughts have helped me understand myself, not fully but it has helped me start feeling better about my self, and understanding what I want out of life.

I have tried to voice my honest opinions about a lot of things. I have never been one to hold back my thoughts on anything, but sometimes I’m a bit more criticizing then actually helpful.

IF YOU’RE NOT PART OF THE SOLUTION, YOU’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

Really think about it. There is a solution to every problem. I think everyone should have someone they can rely on and can tell anything to without feeling judged in any way. With that said, that person should be someone who doesn’t wouldn’t feel offended or you wouldn’t being putting on a uncomfortable situation. I have 2 people that I can tell anything and everything too. One is my best friend, I know that she will always be there for me, and will always have my back. She will always have my best interest and will give me her honest opinion on what ever the matter is. The other person is my therapist! yes people, that’s right, I see a therapist! now a days the concept of a therapist is so alarming to everyone, why?! I think everyone needs to take sometime out and talk about their mental health, doesn’t make you crazy or weird! I love my therapist! At first I wasn’t so comfortable but sometimes you have to put that fear aside and just let it out, let someone who has no connection to your personal life and can kind of challenge your thoughts and help you see things in a different perspective. It’s easier said then done, yea I know, but try it. It took me years to finally get the courage to call and say I was depressed and wanted to see someone. My first phone call I think I almost threw up from how embarrassed I felt, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was! My first couple visits were still a bit weird, talking to some guy about what made me FEEL depressed was a bit embarrassing and weird, but I kept going! Consistency is the key to life! I swear! Don’t give up on anything, let yourself try it a few times. Look at life in a more positive way, most people are so down, because of their own thoughts!

Why is mental health viewed so negatively?

I’m back…

not that I have much followers, but I do have some! and I thank you all for supporting my cause!!!

So lets see, last time I wrote about my brother’s court date. So we went to court had it rescheduled, the court was for child support, he know he has to pay something but my brother doesn’t win a lot. he’s autistic and had been a dishwasher for about 10 years now! It’s something he knows to do, not to complicated and not to difficult on how to remember what to do. he needs something repetitive and simple. So you can imagine how much he makes. Home girl (his kids mom) has taken advantage of him for so long, so I cant say I want him to have to pay to much, she’s made her bed, now she should have to lay in it! I understand that just because you have kids with someone doesn’t mean you have to stay with them, but there is a proper way to go about separating and handling the situation. I don’t think anyone deserves to get hurt, especially when you are both adults and should have no issues communicating.

Why do most find it easier to lie? isn’t life easier when you voice how you truly feel? or what you really want out of the other person.

I find it so much more frustrating lying and going behind someone back, just to be with someone you obviously would rather be with…..so why not sit down, talk about what the real problem is, what you both expect out of each other and either find a reasonable solution or make plans on how your going to take your separate ways? It’s really not that hard

Let’s take it from the top

so I have to go to court with my brother at the end of this month…

My brother has Asperger’s, and is mentally handicapped (not sure if that is politically correct), he was told that his learning process, writing and reading skills are that of a second grader. Ok with that being said, he graduated from High School with a special education diploma. If he were to want to go to college he would have to get his G.E.D. So my brother is very possessive, he’s very narrow minded, he’s not to big on understanding jokes, or sarcasm. He has his own way of explaining his thoughts and can learn things that are repetitive. Growing up with him, was very weird. He would mostly keep to himself, kind of segregated himself to his room, he liked to play video games so that kept him to his room a lot.

My brothers first “real” girlfriend was one of my good friends, she was completely in love with him, she was 14 and my brother was 16-17, they dated for a yea half, they’re relationship was very up and down, they would fight and argue like cats and dogs, both didn’t have much skills at communicating, until they finally broke up. My brother was devastated! If you were to ask me I believe he would still want her back. Ok, so two years after that, he ,et another girl, who I knew was no good from the get go. She once tried to through a snow ball at my younger sister! her and I are the same age, my sister is two years younger than us, so she threw the snow ball, now I have always and will always be my sisters and my brothers keeper, when I confronted her, she didn’t seem to know what I was talking about but insisted on apologizing to my sister, ok whatever I left it at that.

I’m not going to lie, I judge people right from when I meet them! I know I shouldn’t but I feel I have a good sense of knowing people. When moved out early so by the time my brother started with her I was already out of my moms house. She ended up living with my brother at my moms house, her home life was very rough, her mom was being controlled by her boyfriend, who verbally and physically abuse them, and supplied the neighborhood kids with drugs.

Well, she came up pregnant at 16, my mother kicked her out before she even knew she was pregnant because the fights between them were horrendous! She would hit him and throw things, they both would scream at e other and end up breaking things.

While she was pregnant her and my brother stood together and tried to make it work, well it didn’t. Shortly before she had the baby she threaten to keep her away from him and everyone in our family. She would tell him she hated the baby, she was going to have a retarded baby just like him, all because he didn’t do as she said and because she wasn’t able to come live at my moms with him. She went as far as having some one bust his lip!

Well After the baby was born, my brother took her to court for visitation and for him to pay child support, she came up with any and everything to make him ok like a terrible father and person, because my mom helped my brother document, the lawyer’s and judge dismissed everything she said, the judge even went on to tell her she was a disgrace to other mothers. he told her he never once had a man take a women to court for him to pay child support.

While after the hell we all went through, she convinced him to go back to her, they got an apartment and lived together until recently. they had another child, a son 3 years ago. in the years they were together, she tried to go to school she went two years and never was able to get any type of degree or certification, all the while my brother working and providing the best he can for his family.

Fast forward to this year…

My brother comes home Sunday night from work to his girlfriend with two guys at their apartment and another girlfriend of hers, he asked them to leave because it was late and his daughter had school in the morning, she told him he was no longer on the lease and he was the one who needed to leave, her friend got up and told my brother if he did not leave she was going to call the police and say he was hitting her! So he grabbed something’s and left, the next couple days we advised him to just text her and do not talk to her because of the way their communication skills are. Knowing she can manipulate him through the kids, she threatened to move out of state, make sure he would never see them. We reassured him she would have to still go to court and it would take some time.

Well Ms. Genius, is asking for full custody, but wants my brother to have them on the weekend, and more throughout the week…..Wait, I’m sorry, WHAT?!?!

Well i’ll just leave it at that for now, i’m excited to go to court to see what happens, I didn’t mention the fact that she has been collecting child support from him the whole time. As well as their income tax.

To wine or not to wine…..

It’s been a while! It’s been hard to motivate myself to keep writing! I love to write but feel stupid writing random things, I know I shouldn’t but I do. So I’ve thought a lot about school, I’m definitely going to go with Human services and English! I really think that kids need someone they can go to, who is not part of their everyday lives. Someone they can trust and feel confident enough to tell them their troubles.