My day so far….

It’s almost 12pm over on my end, my daughters got up at about 9:30, My oldest stood home from school, because she was so congested last night! Her eyes were so watery! My poor baby! She seems a lot better, she still a little congested but she has more color in her cheeks, the baby seems well, we have to go out later to buy 3 birthday gifts for a party tomorrow, hopefully the don’t get sick! Good news, My husband may be getting our second car this weekend!! Gosh its been almost 3 months since he started to look for one! He’s so picky, but he likes the car and most importantly he wont need to take a loan out for it! AMAZING!! But I said hopefully, So I’ll know for sure Monday! I have laundry to wash and put away….ugghhhhh the worst!!! But at least its sunny today, still cold but sunny. I guess i’ll go start some laundry! Write to you later!!

It’s been a while since I last wrote, so much has happened since the last time I was on here. I have also started a new show!! Pretty little liars!!! Oh my goodness! I’m obsessed! It’s so interesting! I can go into the show another time. What’s bothering me right now…..

I need to understand why people choose the priorities that they do. There’s a huge difference between putting yourself before your kids because you want to get better……EMOTIONALLY and MENTALLY, then putting yourself because of pure selfishness. Choosing a relationship before your kids is really getting old. I seem to still not understand it.

Tell Him Everything.

J.S. Park: Hospital Chaplain, Skeptical Christian

Maybe no one mentioned
that seasons of doubt,
suffering, and detachment
are regular valleys in a believer’s life.

Those are also the exact times
we go to God and tell Him everything.
To even say, “I don’t feel you right now, God.”
You can tell Him that.

Most of us think we’ve failed God
when we don’t feel Him, when it’s actually
that feeling of His absence that
can either push you to Him or from Him.
He’d much rather it be to Him.

— J.S.

[From this post]

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My struggle with MY God

One thing I do know is that I believe in a higher force, my whole life as a child, my mom always talked about God, and his work. I felt as if I was being forced to go to church, I say forced because I remember just never taking it seriously. I never really would pay attention during service, I would goof of with my sisters and brother, we just always had something better to do. Once I moved out of my moms house I would only make appearances here and there, I went to a few youth gatherings, and would rarely talk to my friends from church, who where never from where I went to school, or lived. Then one day I just never went back, until I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. I would go every once in a while, maybe 2-3 Sundays a month. I have always thought of myself as the “black sheep” of my family, I was always so different than my other siblings. My older brother is autistic so growing up with him was more like my younger brother. I have win sisters who are a little over 2 years younger than me. My mother is originally from Colombia, South America, and my dad was Native American and English, yes I know weird how did they meet? Maybe some other time ill write about it! My mothers primary language is Spanish, she knows how to read and write English, her vocal skills aren’t as great as they should be, considering she’s been here for over 20 years! My mom took us to our church, New Apostolic Church, if I had to put a name on “it” I would say we are a Christian church, I’ve heard kind of Baptist. But I cant really tell you what that means. I don’t really know the difference between that religions and there beliefs.

I have always felt somewhat judged at my church, my mom has always been able to turn to them with no problem, they have helped my mom and us so much. They’ve always been there for us n matter what. Now I feel like I kinda betrayed them and just left, I feel like I abandoned them. Now with the girls, I feel even worse, I want them to grow up knowing who or what God is and to have something higher to believe in, and can turn to when they feel there is know one else. My oldest says she wants to go to church, I just know if I should continue at our church or “browse” around.

Those Really Tough Bible Verses About Murder, Oppression, and Women

Thought this was such an amazing! Very inspiring! How would one start to even read the bible! Not only that but what Bible to read!?

J.S. Park: Hospital Chaplain, Skeptical Christian

championpayne asked a question:

Hi! I was wondering what your input would be on this post. It bothered me a bit and I want to defend these scriptures, but I’m not sure how. The scriptures are, Psalm 137:9, 1 Timothy 2:12, Deuteronomy 22:28, Exodus 21:7, Leviticus 25:44, Numbers 25:4, Jeremiah 48:10 and Ezekiel 9:5. Thanks!

Hey dear friend, for easy reference, all the verses are listed here.

One thing I learned in seminary was that without context, there is no content.

These verses by themselves look absurd, and in fact, I will wrestle with a lot of the Bible until my time on earth is done. At the same time, many of these problematic verses have adequate explanations behind them when you can dive into the history and background.

This is really an issue of trust. If I approach the Bible with my modern Westernized preconceived bias, I will…

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Last thoughts of the night.

As i try to wind down before bed, I wonder to myself about how Mia’s friend’s will spend there long weekend. My daughter’s are very spoiled, not only with material things, but they are spoiled with the time we give them. My husband and I don’t do anything without them, they rarely are watched by anyone but us. My spend a lot of my time with my mom, so the girls are super close with her. Mia has spent some Saturday nights with her, Mia is very protective over my mom!!

My mom has had a very long and slow recovery from a gall bladder surgery she had in June 2013, yes she is still recovery from it. Why? Well long story short, her surgeon perforated her bowel and didn’t diagnose it until august 2013,by the second day out of surgery my mom was septic and was put on a ventilator and into an induced coma!! Its to long of a story to even begin too explain right now, I’m super tired from all the running around today, and just need to get all these random thoughts out.

I feel like my writing has no direction or purpose, I definitely love that I started my blog. I feel more relaxed and more aware of my thoughts and feels. I have had such bad anxiety since being pregnant with my youngest Camila, who is now 2. I never knew what anxiety was until I found out I was pregnant! I found out the day I was suppose to go in and get the Mirena! My husband and I discussed not having anymore kids until I finished school and had at least had a couple years of experience. Mia had just turned a year old, and by the time I planned on going into school she would have been a year and a half, and I could have had her at the schools day care. Well, no, I went in and was told I was 11 weeks pregnant!! It’s horrible to say but I was devastated, I knew it was going to be atleast another 2 years until I could start school, it was going to be less time for not only me but Mia. I remember freaking out about Mia feeling left out, and feeling alone. I started to work thinking it would help me keep my thoughts at ease. It did not! I started working when I was about 4 months pregnant, it was alright at first, I love working and learning new things. My anxiety was so bad my doctor took my out of work two months before having Camila. I personally don’t like taking medicine for any thing so I just held it in and kept going with the flow. I remember the night before I was scheduled for my C-Section, I put Mia to bed, and she started to cry and held me, she told me she didn’t want me to leave, I didn’t tell her anything about having to go and have her sister in the morning! I just broke down and started to cry, I think I cried so much that I put myself into labor! I couldn’t self thru all of the contractions but just told myself to wait, I had to have the C-section anyways so why go in 5 hours early to be put into the hospital bed and wait. Obviously everything went good

After having Camila I worked for the next 4 months, I struggled a lot with working or not working. Honestly I seen such I difference in when I was with the girls to when my husband was with them while I worked. There was no structure, no schedule for eating, I felt like they were just glued (mostly Mia, as Camila was just a newborn) to the t.v. He did the best he could, but things just ran smother with me at home and my husband working (more now that I don’t work), so I quit and become a stay at home mom.

This post wasn’t suppose to be so long, sometimes I just cant stop!

It’s ok for them to act out

I believe that some parents don’t teach their kids BASIC (in my opinion) skills until it’s to late. I understand that, “kids should be kids”, but they also need to learn some common sense. I see so many kids who are literally rushed into their classroom and just left there! I mean they get no help taking there coats, scarfs, hat, and/or gloves off, let alone their snow boats! I’m talking about 3 and 4 year olds, who once are done struggling look around for a goodbye hug or kiss. I truly feel so sad for them, I know parents need to work, but when did it come before your child? What company doesn’t offer to help there employees with scheduling, why cant you find another job around your kids schedule?

Why are the kids the ones who have no choice but to sacrifice for you? Do you know how important it is for kids to feel comfortable with expressing themselves? Any behavior kids act in, is an expression of their feelings, its easier for kids to scream, or jump around then to come and say, “hey mom I’m happy to play” or “hey dad, I’m kind of mad at you.”  Its easy to get caught up in the everyday rush, but honestly think about when your kids are in their teens, do you really think they’re going to come to you for help or advice? Why are there so many “wild” teens and rebellious kids out there.

I try to make the girls feel confidant in every decision they choice to make, from the shirt they’re wearing to the tantrum they feel is necessary. It’s been a very enlightening experience.

Bed Time

What did I do today, I woke up kind of late.

Had to get Mia ready for school. She wanted a yogurt and she wanted a half pony tail! She loves her long curly hair. Mia was so excited for school, she has opened up more now that she’s in school. I was very worried and anxious about Mia’s adjustment into headstart. I anticipated her being very outgoing and friendly! She was the complete opposite! Mia cried everyday for the first 3 months school started! She would refer to everyone by, the teacher who spoke English, the teacher who spoke Spanish and the teacher who’s name was grandma. Each class has a teacher, teachers assistant, and a ‘grandmother’.

Mia begin he school year only speaking Spanish, she understood English but wasn’t able speak it very well, which made me extra worried for her! once she was over crying, her teacher said that she would just stick by the teachers assistant because she spoke Spanish. Little by little she would say long phrases and practice singing in English, which made I easier for her. Now only being in school for 5 months she can speak fluently in English and Spanish! I think Mia likes both, when she’s at home shell use both, but when watching t.v she wants it in Spanish, I believe Mia understands Spanish better than English. I’m hoping that she doesn’t lose the Spanish, I think it’ll be a huge help for her later on in life. Mia use to dream about being a doctor, she would tell everyone she was my mom’s doctor. She would always say how she was going to love school and help the other kids if the needed it. Now she wants to be Else from the Frozen movie! I’m so interested in learning the thought process of children.