They said, what?


I was in a room of student teachers the other day after work. They were talking about a student who cries everyday. She said she didn’t know what was wrong with him. “He must have a touch of Aspergers,” she said. And everyone in the room burst out laughing. I sat there feeling angry and ashamed that I didn’t say anything. I wanted to tell them that they had hurt my feelings, but I couldn’t speak up. Now, I just imagine what I could have said to shock them into shutting up. Am I a joke?

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I’m back…

not that I have much followers, but I do have some! and I thank you all for supporting my cause!!!

So lets see, last time I wrote about my brother’s court date. So we went to court had it rescheduled, the court was for child support, he know he has to pay something but my brother doesn’t win a lot. he’s autistic and had been a dishwasher for about 10 years now! It’s something he knows to do, not to complicated and not to difficult on how to remember what to do. he needs something repetitive and simple. So you can imagine how much he makes. Home girl (his kids mom) has taken advantage of him for so long, so I cant say I want him to have to pay to much, she’s made her bed, now she should have to lay in it! I understand that just because you have kids with someone doesn’t mean you have to stay with them, but there is a proper way to go about separating and handling the situation. I don’t think anyone deserves to get hurt, especially when you are both adults and should have no issues communicating.

Why do most find it easier to lie? isn’t life easier when you voice how you truly feel? or what you really want out of the other person.

I find it so much more frustrating lying and going behind someone back, just to be with someone you obviously would rather be with… why not sit down, talk about what the real problem is, what you both expect out of each other and either find a reasonable solution or make plans on how your going to take your separate ways? It’s really not that hard

Let’s take it from the top

so I have to go to court with my brother at the end of this month…

My brother has Asperger’s, and is mentally handicapped (not sure if that is politically correct), he was told that his learning process, writing and reading skills are that of a second grader. Ok with that being said, he graduated from High School with a special education diploma. If he were to want to go to college he would have to get his G.E.D. So my brother is very possessive, he’s very narrow minded, he’s not to big on understanding jokes, or sarcasm. He has his own way of explaining his thoughts and can learn things that are repetitive. Growing up with him, was very weird. He would mostly keep to himself, kind of segregated himself to his room, he liked to play video games so that kept him to his room a lot.

My brothers first “real” girlfriend was one of my good friends, she was completely in love with him, she was 14 and my brother was 16-17, they dated for a yea half, they’re relationship was very up and down, they would fight and argue like cats and dogs, both didn’t have much skills at communicating, until they finally broke up. My brother was devastated! If you were to ask me I believe he would still want her back. Ok, so two years after that, he ,et another girl, who I knew was no good from the get go. She once tried to through a snow ball at my younger sister! her and I are the same age, my sister is two years younger than us, so she threw the snow ball, now I have always and will always be my sisters and my brothers keeper, when I confronted her, she didn’t seem to know what I was talking about but insisted on apologizing to my sister, ok whatever I left it at that.

I’m not going to lie, I judge people right from when I meet them! I know I shouldn’t but I feel I have a good sense of knowing people. When moved out early so by the time my brother started with her I was already out of my moms house. She ended up living with my brother at my moms house, her home life was very rough, her mom was being controlled by her boyfriend, who verbally and physically abuse them, and supplied the neighborhood kids with drugs.

Well, she came up pregnant at 16, my mother kicked her out before she even knew she was pregnant because the fights between them were horrendous! She would hit him and throw things, they both would scream at e other and end up breaking things.

While she was pregnant her and my brother stood together and tried to make it work, well it didn’t. Shortly before she had the baby she threaten to keep her away from him and everyone in our family. She would tell him she hated the baby, she was going to have a retarded baby just like him, all because he didn’t do as she said and because she wasn’t able to come live at my moms with him. She went as far as having some one bust his lip!

Well After the baby was born, my brother took her to court for visitation and for him to pay child support, she came up with any and everything to make him ok like a terrible father and person, because my mom helped my brother document, the lawyer’s and judge dismissed everything she said, the judge even went on to tell her she was a disgrace to other mothers. he told her he never once had a man take a women to court for him to pay child support.

While after the hell we all went through, she convinced him to go back to her, they got an apartment and lived together until recently. they had another child, a son 3 years ago. in the years they were together, she tried to go to school she went two years and never was able to get any type of degree or certification, all the while my brother working and providing the best he can for his family.

Fast forward to this year…

My brother comes home Sunday night from work to his girlfriend with two guys at their apartment and another girlfriend of hers, he asked them to leave because it was late and his daughter had school in the morning, she told him he was no longer on the lease and he was the one who needed to leave, her friend got up and told my brother if he did not leave she was going to call the police and say he was hitting her! So he grabbed something’s and left, the next couple days we advised him to just text her and do not talk to her because of the way their communication skills are. Knowing she can manipulate him through the kids, she threatened to move out of state, make sure he would never see them. We reassured him she would have to still go to court and it would take some time.

Well Ms. Genius, is asking for full custody, but wants my brother to have them on the weekend, and more throughout the week…..Wait, I’m sorry, WHAT?!?!

Well i’ll just leave it at that for now, i’m excited to go to court to see what happens, I didn’t mention the fact that she has been collecting child support from him the whole time. As well as their income tax.

To wine or not to wine…..

It’s been a while! It’s been hard to motivate myself to keep writing! I love to write but feel stupid writing random things, I know I shouldn’t but I do. So I’ve thought a lot about school, I’m definitely going to go with Human services and English! I really think that kids need someone they can go to, who is not part of their everyday lives. Someone they can trust and feel confident enough to tell them their troubles.

Tell Him Everything.

J.S. Park: Hospital Chaplain, Skeptical Christian

Maybe no one mentioned
that seasons of doubt,
suffering, and detachment
are regular valleys in a believer’s life.

Those are also the exact times
we go to God and tell Him everything.
To even say, “I don’t feel you right now, God.”
You can tell Him that.

Most of us think we’ve failed God
when we don’t feel Him, when it’s actually
that feeling of His absence that
can either push you to Him or from Him.
He’d much rather it be to Him.

— J.S.

[From this post]

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Those Really Tough Bible Verses About Murder, Oppression, and Women

Thought this was such an amazing! Very inspiring! How would one start to even read the bible! Not only that but what Bible to read!?

J.S. Park: Hospital Chaplain, Skeptical Christian

championpayne asked a question:

Hi! I was wondering what your input would be on this post. It bothered me a bit and I want to defend these scriptures, but I’m not sure how. The scriptures are, Psalm 137:9, 1 Timothy 2:12, Deuteronomy 22:28, Exodus 21:7, Leviticus 25:44, Numbers 25:4, Jeremiah 48:10 and Ezekiel 9:5. Thanks!

Hey dear friend, for easy reference, all the verses are listed here.

One thing I learned in seminary was that without context, there is no content.

These verses by themselves look absurd, and in fact, I will wrestle with a lot of the Bible until my time on earth is done. At the same time, many of these problematic verses have adequate explanations behind them when you can dive into the history and background.

This is really an issue of trust. If I approach the Bible with my modern Westernized preconceived bias, I will…

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Last thoughts of the night.

As i try to wind down before bed, I wonder to myself about how Mia’s friend’s will spend there long weekend. My daughter’s are very spoiled, not only with material things, but they are spoiled with the time we give them. My husband and I don’t do anything without them, they rarely are watched by anyone but us. My spend a lot of my time with my mom, so the girls are super close with her. Mia has spent some Saturday nights with her, Mia is very protective over my mom!!

My mom has had a very long and slow recovery from a gall bladder surgery she had in June 2013, yes she is still recovery from it. Why? Well long story short, her surgeon perforated her bowel and didn’t diagnose it until august 2013,by the second day out of surgery my mom was septic and was put on a ventilator and into an induced coma!! Its to long of a story to even begin too explain right now, I’m super tired from all the running around today, and just need to get all these random thoughts out.

I feel like my writing has no direction or purpose, I definitely love that I started my blog. I feel more relaxed and more aware of my thoughts and feels. I have had such bad anxiety since being pregnant with my youngest Camila, who is now 2. I never knew what anxiety was until I found out I was pregnant! I found out the day I was suppose to go in and get the Mirena! My husband and I discussed not having anymore kids until I finished school and had at least had a couple years of experience. Mia had just turned a year old, and by the time I planned on going into school she would have been a year and a half, and I could have had her at the schools day care. Well, no, I went in and was told I was 11 weeks pregnant!! It’s horrible to say but I was devastated, I knew it was going to be atleast another 2 years until I could start school, it was going to be less time for not only me but Mia. I remember freaking out about Mia feeling left out, and feeling alone. I started to work thinking it would help me keep my thoughts at ease. It did not! I started working when I was about 4 months pregnant, it was alright at first, I love working and learning new things. My anxiety was so bad my doctor took my out of work two months before having Camila. I personally don’t like taking medicine for any thing so I just held it in and kept going with the flow. I remember the night before I was scheduled for my C-Section, I put Mia to bed, and she started to cry and held me, she told me she didn’t want me to leave, I didn’t tell her anything about having to go and have her sister in the morning! I just broke down and started to cry, I think I cried so much that I put myself into labor! I couldn’t self thru all of the contractions but just told myself to wait, I had to have the C-section anyways so why go in 5 hours early to be put into the hospital bed and wait. Obviously everything went good

After having Camila I worked for the next 4 months, I struggled a lot with working or not working. Honestly I seen such I difference in when I was with the girls to when my husband was with them while I worked. There was no structure, no schedule for eating, I felt like they were just glued (mostly Mia, as Camila was just a newborn) to the t.v. He did the best he could, but things just ran smother with me at home and my husband working (more now that I don’t work), so I quit and become a stay at home mom.

This post wasn’t suppose to be so long, sometimes I just cant stop!